09 Mar Kohm’s
By David Lasky and Alex Serrano
Hear, hear! Transplants, I come with glad tidings! Once, I told you of La Cocina, and those who followed me there…the things they saw…the things they tasted…the things they can never untaste! It was shattering. Many minds were lost as people wondered how they could have lived next to such a titan of food for so long and not eaten there. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have so swiftly shaken your culinary worlds to the core. You are a gentle people, and I was rough with your palates, which had as yet known so little joy. But steel yourselves, Transplants, and take heart. My work is not done, and the work I have for you is just beginning:
Kohms Eggroll Paradise. Let me repeat: KOHM’S EGGROLL PARADISE. Now, what kind of braggart names their own place a “paradise”? THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. She’s not a braggart, how dare you insinuate!? She has earned for her place of business the term “paradise” by making some of the best eggrolls in Lancaster and beyond, accompanied by a dipping sauce that makes other cooks curdle with lust and greed, other chefs seethe with anger and jealousy (ducksauce available by the jar) (also the ducksauce is made by Kohm ALONE in isolation so that no one can steal the recipe. Like a rubber-duckin’ mad scientist). Kohm’s Eggroll Paradise is an oasis, a restaurant that we are lucky to receive.
Guess. I dare you, GUESS. Guess, and say anything other than “eggrolls”. Try me. Get the eggrolls. The eggrolls are what this paradise was founded on, and they must be honored, respected, and eaten. Do you like your food in tube form? THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, GOSH. I don’t care how you like your food, I’m here to tell you how you WILL like your food. I can’t be concerned with the petty shapes of the food of the now, my mind and tongue are focused on the food-form of the future, and it is a roll.
The eggrolls come in a variety, from veggie, to original, chicken to pork. There are dessert rolls of banana, taro root, and yellow bean. Let’s break this down some. Veggie is the least of the rolls, but also won’t fill you up as much. Chicken is good, but original is better. The inclusion of shrimp adds another dimension to the flavor. The PORK ROLL. The pork roll must be fattier or something, because I find it to be consistently crispier, and so very tasty. I know that Kohm grinds the meat herself right there in the back, if you could call it a back. the place is very open and straight forward. The dessert rolls are all good, but honestly they are just nice little exclamation points at the end of the sentence that is an eggroll meal.
Get the eggrolls. Get three to four for one person, and maybe nine for two people. Six eggrolls can put me down, and I’m a sizable person. The soups are great, the steaming bun is a love of mine, but please don’t start your relationship with Kohms with anything but eggrolls. Again, I recommend a crappy soda, a coke or a Dr. Pepper to pair with the meal.
James street between Prince and Queen. It’s a cinderblock box with angels on it.
Twenty five minutes before you want to eat. There is little sitting room (one table, maybe two) so you’ll probably be walking with your food, or taking it home. She makes basically everything when you ask for it, so it takes like twenty five minutes for your perfect rolls to become perfect for you. Be thankful! You are lucky.